


Yue

by YueShirosaki



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Drama, Female Homosexuality, Hurt, Love, Multi, Reality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-17 13:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16096757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YueShirosaki/pseuds/YueShirosaki
Summary: This is not a normal fiction, this is about me, the author. This is no joke. Learn about my life, at least that which I really can remember. Get to know what kind of person I am and understand the effects it has on everything I write.My tale is a bit 18+ at some points so read at own risk





	1. Chapter 1

This chapter will serve as an information for you, my dear readers.  
For anyone who hasn't read the description:

This is not a normal fiction, it's not even truly connected to BLEACH, just maybe a little bit since my alter ego came to be because of Shiro-Ichigo; Hichigo; Ogichi...whatever you like to call it.

Before I start, I apologize for any typos, grammar and spelling errors.  
English is not my native language, but I chose it since it is the world language and I wanted to reach a broad amount of people with my stories, as well as _this_.

I won't tell you my real name, or maybe just so much: My real name also starts with a Y.  
I really am a female and reached the young age of 27 at 1st of June this year.  
I'm German and my hometown resides between cologne and Aachen and is rather close to the Netherlands' border.  
The town I was born and raised in is just about 10 kilometers (6,2 miles) away.

So, why write this?  
Well, I thought about writing a kind of biography for some time now.

For once, to get over some things that happened to me...I'm not saying that my life has been overly terrible...I mean there are a lot of people out there who had worse, but what I experienced was enough for _me_.  
Secondly to somehow make you understand why I wrote certain things in certain ways,... since a lot of the chapters I have written have been influenced by the mood I had then, or the state of mind I was in.

Whatever.

So, I will write this as it comes and try not to be to "stilted"(?) in my choice of words.  
All the while I try to make the chapters chronologically from young age to now.  
Maybe this will get a bit volatile, when things come to mind that I actually hadn't meant to be there then...  
The chapters even might come not very regularly, and sometimes maybe even several at once.

You'll see.

So now...I hope at least a few of you read this far and really are interested.

Let's begin...the story of my life until now...


	2. Chapter 2

This is what I remember from age 3 to 6.   
I can't actually pinpoint all the memories to certain ages, or the order in which they happened, so I'll tell them just as they come to mind.  
On an other note: Most of my early memories seem to me like they came from an onlooker. I mean that I clearly see my young self in my head, like I am just looking at a video that someone recorded.  
And I tell you, we have no family video's that I ever could have seen.

One more thing you should know:  
My mom is a truck driver and was only home during the evening, and later only during the weekends.  
My grandparents raised me in her absence and I mostly lived with them.

The first thing I remember for certain is how my "father" ( I later got to know that he actually was my first step father) stood at my crib, because I got up since I heard a car and thought that it was my mother coming home from work.  
He told me that it wasn't her but she would soon be there and I should get back to bed.  
I was maybe 3 then...

After that there is a memory where I watch my grandpa work in the garden and little me wanted to bring him a big hammer that he used to knock some poles into the earth with.  
I managed to lift, the maybe 5 kilogram heavy object, but didn't get far, before it dropped to my foot and squashed the big toe of my right foot.  
It wasn't broken, but it bled.  
My grandpa treated it and when he almost was finished my grandma came back.  
I don't know if my memory is correct with this, but in my head she came back from the vet, with one of my rabbits that we had to euthanize, since they always buried those in their garden.  
She was shocked and asked what happened and soothed the crying me.  
I think I cried even more then because of the dead bunny.

I have been told, that at the age of 4 I had a pneumonia and I almost died because of it.  
Also that it was my mothers fault that I was close to death, since she believed the doctors at the hospital ( that I later stayed in) who told her I was just acting, to get attention.  
My grandma went to my pediatric with me on the next Monday and he immediately was alarmed by the bad state I was in and directly said that i was pneumonia.  
He send me over to the hospital that had a special childrens station.

The only things I remember from that time, is that the nurses at the hospital were horrible at giving injections and putting in catheters for the IV's.  
From that experience I got a terrible fear of syringes.  
Also there was an other girl in my room that only befriended me, kind of, after her grandpa ( who stayed with us in the room) told her to play with me some time.  
And that grandpa, once went to check the hallways late in the evening after I told him I had seen my mom and my second (!) step-dad going toward the doctors room.  
He came back and said there was no one.  
The food there was horrible and my mom had to bring my grandma's food, so that I would eat anything.

In Kindergarten I was already bullied occasionally, since I was a rather silent and shy child and lived with my grandparents.  
Some boys would lift the skirt of my dress and pull at my pantyhose at one time.  
They called me names and didn't want to play with me, if they weren't told to.

At some point I had to wear glasses and to train my weaker left eye, patch up the right for the duration of one hour on a daily basis.

When I was about to go to elementary school and it was time to pick a school bag my mom didn't buy me one of those that everyone got, but one that was 'good for my back' and ergonomically formed.  
I was in tears and hated the bag...  
Though now it still rests in the attic at my grandparents house.

School was a bit hard for me, because of the being shy and stuff thing, and I had trouble to understand certain things.  
My brain seems to work a bit strange, so things that don't seem to make sense, but actually are correct, I either deny or don't understand.  
For example math.  
Then, 5 times 5 making 25 just didn't make sense to me, until the teacher explained how it worked.

I also had trouble learning to read the clock and right there is an other bad memory of my childhood.  
My mom wanted me to read the time from a clock that had roman numbers ( I, II, III, IV etc.).  
After three minutes went over and I still couldn't make it out, or maybe I just didn't want to since I was rebellious, I don't know... my mom had enough, grabbed my cheeks in her hand, squeezed and yelled at me, what I don't remember.  
Just that I cried after that and was send to my room.

In the time that I talked about now, my mom had moved homes two times, so I had to make new friends, in a place where I only would stay over the weekend, again.  
She would move next when I was about 10 years old.

I think that was all that happened between 4 and 6 so I will end the chapter now.

In the next chapter: Age 6 to 10 ( Elementary School)


	3. Little inbetween

Hello everyone.

No, i won't continue where I left off last time. This might come later this day though. Right now I'm typing this on my mobile, so sorry if there is some spelling or grammar error.

I have a small (?) identity crisis right now and went to some forum with similar people. One told me to try a little experiment inside my mind. I 'd like to share this with you, and ask of you to share the outcome in the comments. Just if you are willing to, of course.

So :

Imagine a solitary place, like a lone Island, an enclosed room. Now think of yourself being there, all alone. Try to imagine how you look. Male, female, child, old Person or the current you? Maybe nothing of it? Or something in between everything?

I'm really curious how it is for you. For me now  _"I"_ am kind of not there. 

I can't imagine myself, or I become kind of a gray formless thing.... Maybe like a cloud or astral being?  
With time i hope to have some progress and bring form to this.... "Something"

For now that's that.  
Thanks for reading and 'til next time


End file.
